Posted by: PD Warrior | April 26, 2007

Life Goes On Within You And Without You…

The title is a quote from John Lennon. It is about the only phrase that accurately portrays the emotional turmoil I seem to be experiencing today.

For those of you that haven’t figured it out yet, I work at a “long term care facility”- that’s PC for “nursing home.” I won’t bore you with the details about the difference between the way nursing homes are now compared to the way they used to be. That will have to wait for another day, perhaps even another blog since this one is supposed to be about Parkinson’s…. but alas, I digress…

What I am trying to say is that my emotions have been in a swirl most of the day. I have been excited, pumped up about my trip to NYC to participate in the Unity Walk for Parkinson’s disease, for weeks and today was no exception until I got to work and found out that one of the residents at my facility was actively dying.

That in and of itself is not unusual. I deal with death on a regular basis and have learned, for the most part, to distance myself emotionally from the people I take care of – I care greatly for all the people living at my facility, and when they pass away I am sad about it, but I don’t let it get to me.

Once in a while though, someone slips through all the emotional barriers that are in place, and when they go, it is just like losing a family member, and I grieve just as much as I would if I really was related. Making it even harder, when I went in to “say my goodbyes” one of her real family members gave me a hug, and wished me luck on my trip.

I will still go tomorrow, and I will have a good time with my wife Stephanie – the love of my life; but part of me will still be here at home, at least in my thoughts, grieving over the loss of a good friend – one that I would have never met if I was not a nurse.

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