Posted by: PD Warrior | February 20, 2016

116 Romans (Achieving Inner Piece)

No, it isn’t a “typo.” I meant to say exactly what I said – “achieving inner piece.”

If we are honest, we are all, one way or another, striving for that all elusive sense of inner peace. What I have discovered while walking down the path of life called Parkinson’s Disease, is that achieving “inner peace” is like putting a jigsaw puzzle together, only to find one of the pieces gone. We will never achieve “inner peace” until we find the “inner piece.”

When I was first diagnosed with PD, I felt as if I had just been stampeded by a legion of Roman soldiers, complete with full armor, replete with a battalion of horse drawn chariots, dragging behind it a bevy of wooden catapults, and a slew of wagons full of boulders to launch at my defenses.

I was, after all , one giant giant fortress, built from the cinderblocks of Parkinson’s, just waiting to be conquered…begging to be invaded…

Wanting to be besieged.

Needing to be ransacked and razed.

So I waited for the inevitable ruin of my life to come. And I waited…and I waited…then waited some more.

And as I waited, with great anticipation, for the doom of PD to destroy my castle, I began to realize something. I began to understand that the circumstances of my life were not a castle, but in reality an ice berg drifting in a vast ocean, and Parkinson’s disease was merely the tip.

You see, like most people, when gazing in awe, or in my case-fear, at the enormity of an iceberg jutting out of the ocean, I never stopped to think that the part of the iceberg protruding from the sea is nothing compared to what lies beneath.

It is never the tip of an iceberg that sinks a ship, but rather the invisible mass that lies just under the surface.

Finally I began to understand that Parkinson’s Disease was merely the proverbial tip of my own personal iceberg, and my life was my own Titanic, and if I didn’t do something about it, I was going to sink myself.

Once I realized that, I began to look at all the things that were lurking beneath the surface, and found they were far scarier than the Parkinson’s Disease above.

Yet, for everything that I saw on this road of self discovery, there was still one central piece missing.

So I searched everything that I owned, and I cursed God because nothing that I owned would fit where that piece belonged.

Then I searched through things I don’t own, hoping that I may purchase what I was missing. And I cursed God because I could not buy anything to fit in the hole in my life.

So I began to sift through the things I wanted, but nothing fit. And I rummaged through things I did not want, all to no avail. And I cursed God louder.

After a while I gave up. I had run out of places to search. I had turned every corner until there was nowhere else to turn.

Out of desperation I looked at the puzzle one last time. It was then that I saw the shape of what was missing. And suddenly I knew where to look.

It was the shape of a cross.

Something that could only be filled by Jesus Christ.

Jeshua.

I had found my inner piece, and with it came my inner peace.

My life has not been the same since.

I watched as Jeshua held back my personal Titanic with one outstretched hand, as he lifted my iceberg out of the water with the other.

Yes, I have Parkinson’s disease and whole lot of other nastiness to go along with it. But I find that matters less and less with each passing day, because I also have Jesus.

I have a testimony to tell, but this is not the time, or the place…at least not yet.

So, instead I will leave you with this:

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first, and also for the gentile.” Romans 1:16

May you all find your inner piece.

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